It was a Tuesday. One of those Tuesdays that felt like it had already been a week long. The morning had been a chaotic symphony of mismatched socks, a spilled glass of milk, and a frantic search for a favorite fidget toy. My son, my brilliant, beautiful, and often beautifully complex grade-schooler, was having a tough time transitioning to his school day. The air was thick with frustration – his and, if I’m being honest, my own.
We finally made it to school, and as I drove away, a familiar wave of exhaustion washed over me. It’s a feeling I know many of you reading this are intimately familiar with. It’s the weight of endless appointments, the mental gymnastics of navigating an Individualized Education Program (IEP), and the constant, underlying worry that you’re not doing enough.
But then, something happened.
That afternoon, I received an email from his teacher. My heart did its usual little pitter-patter of anxiety. Was it about a meltdown? A missed assignment?
I opened it, and my breath caught in my throat.
The email was short and simple. It was a picture of my son, sitting at a table with another student. They were building a tower with magnetic tiles, and on my son’s face was a look of pure, unadulterated joy. The teacher’s note read: “He initiated play with a friend today and they worked together for a full ten minutes. It was wonderful to see.”
And just like that, the gray Tuesday afternoon was flooded with sunshine.
This, my friends, was an “unexpected win.”
The Power of the Unexpected Win
As parents of children with special needs, we are often conditioned to focus on the big goals. We’re working towards academic milestones, therapy benchmarks, and social skills that can feel mountains away. And while those goals are important, they can also cast a long shadow over our daily lives, making it easy to miss the small, incredible moments of progress that are happening right in front of us.
An unexpected win is a moment of spontaneous breakthrough. It’s the unprompted “I love you” after a day of sensory overload. It’s the successful trip to the grocery store without a single meltdown. It’s the picture from a teacher that speaks a thousand words of hope.
These moments are more than just feel-good blips on the radar. They are vital fuel for our journey. They are the whispers of encouragement that remind us that our children are growing, learning, and finding their own way, in their own time.
How to Cultivate a Mindset of Unexpected Wins
In the whirlwind of our daily lives, it can be hard to even notice these moments, let alone celebrate them. But with a little intentionality, we can train ourselves to see the magic in the seemingly mundane. Here’s how:
- Redefine “Success”: Let go of the world’s definition of success. For our children, success might not be a straight-A report card or the lead in the school play. It might be trying a new food, tolerating a loud noise for a few extra seconds, or, yes, initiating play with a friend. Create a new measuring stick, one that honors your child’s unique journey.
- Keep a “Win” Jar: Find a simple jar and some small slips of paper. Every time an unexpected win happens, no matter how small, write it down and put it in the jar. On tough days, when you’re feeling defeated, pull out a few slips of paper and read them. It’s a tangible reminder of how far you’ve both come. (And for our Etsy shop lovers, we have some beautifully designed “Win Jar” printables to get you started!)
- Share the Wins: Don’t keep these moments to yourself! Share them with your partner, a trusted friend, or a family member. Speaking these wins out loud gives them power and helps you to truly internalize them. It also allows others to celebrate your child’s progress with you.
- Acknowledge Your Role: You, the empowered parent, are the architect of so many of these wins. Your tireless efforts, your unwavering love, and your relentless advocacy create the safe and supportive environment where your child can thrive. When you celebrate your child’s win, be sure to celebrate your own role in making it happen.
From Our Community to Yours
The journey of raising a child with special needs is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be hills to climb and hurdles to overcome. But there will also be moments of breathtaking beauty, of unexpected joy that can carry us through the most challenging of times.
The glow of that picture from my son’s teacher stayed with me for the rest of the week. It was a beacon, a reminder that even in the midst of the struggle, there is so much to celebrate.
We want to hear from you! What was your most recent “unexpected win”? Share it in the comments below and let’s create a space to celebrate these incredible moments together. Your story might just be the sunshine that another parent needs on a cloudy day.
Find more valuable resources, printables, and guides to support your journey in the Bright Steps Parenting Etsy shop!